Ladies and gentlemen. All rise for the hottest arse in Mile End.
I've been a firefighter since I was 18.
Where's it got me?
On a scale of one to completely shafted, where am I?
We said take it slow, if you need the traumadol, you're not ready.
We want you to see a counselor. - I've been in trauma for ten years.
But not in this service? - No.
Wish to God I did know who to kick the shit out of.
For what they've done to you? For what they did?
Well, that one's got to be on the board.
No. - What do you mean, no?
Eight pounds. One cigarette, eight pounds.
Hey Mince! How many dead nurses does it take
to change the lightbulb?
Six.
I swear he's a serial killer.
***
What are you carrying in there, sweetheart?
Your bowling ball?
Chip?
Go on, it'll cheer you up. - Leave her alone, Mal.
Could you hold this for me for a minute?
Yeah, love. Of course.
I wouldn't normally say this, but I think you're absolutely stunning.
So I was wondering, maybe...
you and me can go out for a drink or something.
No!
Transcript on audio: Désirée www.addicted.com
She didn't look mental, did she?
No, I don't mean mental, she just looked awry.
Not normal, didn't she? - Yeah,
'til you asked her out.
You asked her out? - What? Oh, piss off.
Sorry, bad joke. I'm going to bed.
God, look at that. Ruined.
What? - You asked her out?
Yes, she was really fit.
You decent? - Just a sec.
Yeah, go on then.
Gonna have to start charging you rent, boyo.
So, how is he today? Any Churchill Estate stuff?
I think he's a bit better since the ceremony last week, don't you?
Yeah.
I have a bit of rescue remedy. Stick you tongue out.
What's that supposed to do then?
Make you feel calm, it's good for a shock.
Can it give you a hard on?
I doubt it.
That's a bit weird then.
Oh, you're such a dirty old man!
You're a child.
Not built like that, I'm not.
Kev, darling?
It's okay.
Here. Give us a hand.
I need a smoke. - No, you don't.
No. No, I don't.
What do you want me to say?
Sorry, I can't service you, but...
I'm not a Ford Escort, Kev. - Don't do that, don't laugh.
Just trying to get things back to normal.
It's not gonna be normal though, is it?
Not in the way you mean.
I'm not dead from the neck down and actually you're not either.
Do we really have to do this now? - Yeah, we do.
Let's cough it up. You don't have to do this
not with me. You don't touch me, you don't even look at me, Kev,
is that normal? - Don't. I look at you.
I'm just sick of bloody mourning.
I'm not saying we can't be sad.
But at some point we've got to pick ourselves up
Life's different, it doesn't have to mean over.
Well, maybe not for you. - Yes, for me, actually.
Do you think this last year has been fun?
I just thought, that after the ceremony things had start to change.
They did change. Might lose my job, that's a change.
I meant for us.
Well for us? For us, darling, this is kind of it.
That's a great attitude.
See you later.
Coming through.
Hey! Watch your feet on the seat.
Alright. We need to discuss your pyjamas.
They're quite the help.
What, these old things?
But they're made with a real flan in the hatch.
Oh God. - Machine washable.
Don't stop. - Even at very high temperatures.
No seriously, doll. Are you okay?
I'm fine.
Get out.
Had you eyeful, Asbo?
See you later.
Is he doing yoga? - Yeah!
Your bird is alright, ain't she?
What? - The blonde in the Punto.
You've done well there.
What does she see in you? - Asbo, Trish is my girlfriend.
Did you leave the lock off the night cupboard?
Cause someone's at my pinguins out there. - Yeah, well, it weren't me.
What's your fucking problem? Don't start accusing me of nothing,
not unless you can proof it. - Alright, Asbo, keep your knickers on.
Listen, about last night, don't...
You mustn't feel guilty about that. - No, no, no, I don't.
I didn't push her, did I?
Right, that's us. Little Al, Rob, Billy, let's go.
Mobilise, mobilise, mobilise.
Sorry *** of this, sorry *** of that.
She asked for an owl for her birthday, I said okay,
but all but ***
Don't worry darling, you ain't ***
I've got four girls and they play me like a cheap piano.
Even the baby. In fact, the baby is the worst.
You don't have kids, Mince? - No.
Got to do a loft conversion instead.
Are you alright, Soph?
Not long now.
Hello, Sophie.
My name is Mal.
Is it alright, if I take you down?
Yeah, sure? Come on then.
Put your arms around my neck. There we go.
My magic isn't working today.
Really? Yeah, I know what you mean.
I have those days and all, love. Here we go.
Nice and easy. There we go.
Almost there. There you go.
Mummy!
Cheers.
Come on, darling.
Alright boys, she got upset. The *** said she was a slithering.
Shall I tell you something?
They said the same thing to me and all. But I'm alright, aren't I?
Big Al was on the radio.
Wants us down Locksley Road soon as possible.
Alright, let's go, guys.
Thanks for the tea.
Alright then, Sophie. Let's get that cone off then.
I'm only joking.
Zig, get them evacuated.
Okay, gentlemen, it's last orders at the byset bar.
You need to leave the premises quickly, please.
Come on. Let's go. Let's go.
No, that's Maureen. It's Jimmy's dog.
This means Jimmy must be still upstairs. It's alright, mate. She's well trained.
There someone up in the office.
You need a partner going in, governor? - No, you're alright mate.
Asbo, you're with me. Person reported,
grab the hooligan tool, get a medical kit and a line.
Sir? Sir, can you get out, please?
Billy, set up the B.A. board. We're going in.
What's up with you, Smiley? - Nothing.
Come on, not this again.
He doesn't like me. - He does.
Gov likes everyone. What do you want him to do?
Give you a kiss on the lips every time you put your boots on the right feet?
Shut up. - Come here.
Get off! - Come on.
Jimmy!
We got smoke issuing on the first floor, repeat, smoke issuing.
Jimmy!
Jimmy! It's the fire service.
Jimmy! Jimmy!
Jimmy, are you in there? - Hello, there.
Anybody there? - Oh, my God.
When you got a minute son.
Hold on, we're gonna get you out of there.
Asbo, get a rope down here.
Okay, I just need to check something, Jimmy.
There's a lot of bottles in here, containing a liquid. Is it a flammable substance?
Probably. Be a *** drink.
What? - It's piss. Piss. My piss.
And don't you go moving any of that back, cause I know how many bottles in there.
I don't want it falling into the wrong hands.
Yeah, right. Okay.
We'll get you out of there, Jimmy, just don't move.
Don't move? Don't move? What, are you a fucking comedian?
Have a look at this.
Kev, how are we doing?
Yeah, mate. It looks like we got an elderly man impaled in the back.
He may well have jumped.
We're going down to him now.
Got it. ***
Okay, Kev, we're on our way in.
Alright, open up, Billy.
Okay, we got him. We're gonna need an ambulance.
Best thing to get it to the backside of Locksley Road, over.
Okay, Jimmy. Jimmy, can you hear me?
Yes, I was just resting my eyes.
Is Maureen alright? - Yeah, she's fine. The police have got her.
My name's Kev, this is Dennis.
We're gonna get you free, but it's gonna hurt, I'm afraid.
Do what you gotta do, son. Just make it quick.
Clear. - Door opening.
Billy, you alright? - Alright, I'm alright.
Rob! Little Al! Ziggy! Everyone okay?
Explosion in Locksley Road... - How's Kev?
How's Kev?
Kev, are you alright? Kev, can you hear me?
Yeah, we're fine. But I don't know how we're gonna get out of here.
Okay, get as far away as you can.
Okay, we're gonna need to get some shelter.
I would die for that dog.
She smelled the smoke, she's away like a shot.
Women are fickle, eh?
We got to head up over there.
Rob, Ziggy, you're with me.
Oh, God in heaven. - Got him.
You alright, Jimmy? You alright? - Got you.
Got him.
Okay, come on.
One, two, three!
Okay, it looks like gas.
Kev, get clear! We found a lot of gas.
See if can't find a way through.
Have you got any morphine or something in that bag, son?
Sorry mate, not allowed to carry that stuff.
But we'll get you to the ambulance soon enough, alright?
Oh, Jesus Christ! - Okay.
You tell anyone I gave you this, I'm in trouble, alright?
Why? What is it? Rohypnol?
Yeah, cause you're just my type, cheeky, it's traumadol.
Take it or not.
Can't you know, cars ten foot deep. Only way is over the top.
Don't look stable, though. Jimmy, do you think you can walk?
Well, if I couldn't when I threw meself out of the window,
it'd be a bleeding miracle if I could, now would it, eh?
Okay, we're off. - I tell you what.
That stuff is beginning to take effect now.
So tell us Jimmy, what makes your piss so special?
Right, you think it's funny, that I drink a part of my piss every day.
I can still push up 90 kilos.
They ought to put my piss in face cream.
My piss ought to be given out on the National Health.
One, two, three!
Jimmy?
Jimmy? Shit!
Asbo, you alright? Better get down here, Jimmy's out.
Jimmy?
Gov, come on, he's still breathing.
There you go.
I feel like the king of Egypt. - He's back.
Get him in there. - I can hear someone screaming.
It's one of your neighbours, Jimmy. Mrs Fox, you know her?
I got bit by a fox once. - Get lost.
Epping Forest. My dad used to take me up there.
He'd be catching birds, I'd be searching for fire wood.
You've been up Epping Forest lately?
You can't find a chaffinch for love nor life.
You can't get a good *** You know what, eh?
I'll be giving it a fancy 'Jimmy Riddle'.
Don't mind us, if you need to go.
I'm 77 years of age and I've never pissed myself in my life.
I don't intend to start now, thank you.
Okay, let's get him up. Up you get, Jimmy. There you go.
Put him here. - Hold up, Jimmy.
Sorry mate. I'm gonna have to lift you.
I'll get it out of the way.
Oh sorry, son. I can't hold it anymore.
You're alright, mate.
If you gotta go, you gotta go.
Trauma to his right leg, maybe breakages elsewhere.
He fell good way.
Okay, let's get him on here. - Okay.
*** I got you, fellow, I got you.
Mate, found this in his pocket. - Alright, thank you for this.
Alright Jimmy, you're gonna be okay, you're in good hands.
It's a princess, boy. He give me his last rohypnol, didn't you, son?
You got a fan there.
He's in shock. People say all sorts.
You'll see.
No. We gave up. Trish will kill me.
Oh, go on, fuck it, yeah.
Cheers.
Jesus.
Always remember your uniform was made by the lowest bidder, Asbo.
Hey, what was that back there, with you and Jimmy's dog?
Got bit by my dad's dog when I was three.
Went for my neck. - What, you remember it?
Can't trust a dog. It's a beast.
Beasts are beasts. You can teach them commands
'till the cows come home, don't change a thing.
They're still savage. It's just its nature.
I bet you're one of them people that wants to bring back hanging, are you?
Aren't you?
There must be someone you'd like to see with a rope around his neck
after what happened at Churchill.
I don't know. No, I'm...
Sometimes.
There were these kids. During the fire, they beat me up.
They can't find them. - Why not?
Because no one will say, they saw them.
But you did.
Yeah. Yeah, I did.
I did.
Stop!
Kev, can I have a word?
I need a shower. - It won't take a minute.
Look, I have to tell you, you've had a lucky escape.
Suspension was muted.
I managed to talk them around, bu the commission is insisting
on a probation period.
I did my best, but you know what they're like.
Yeah. Well, okay. Thanks.
They asked me to remind you that counselling is still on offer.
I'm alright, don't need it.
Seriously, I'm fine. - Just keep your nose clean, okay?
Yeah. - Don't scare the pigeons.
Horses.
Exactly. No, I'm processing you on compensation, should be a fair old chunk.
Don't mess it up. Bet Trish could do with a nice cruise, eh?
You've ever been in his office?
He's got an espresso machine in his actual office.
Little ponce.
No offense, son, but you stink of piss.
Are you coming for a pint? - Told Trish I'd head straight home.
*** that off then. - Nah, don't feel like it.
Mate, get over it.
Get over what? - That girl.
Who jumped under the tube. You've got enough on you plate,
don't start doing your head in over some sad cow.
Malmy, I know you enjoy pretending to be a selfish prick
but to be honest, sometimes you just are one.
Right.
I'll take this. When we're in uniform, I'll take it
cause you've earned that. I think the way you're dealing with all this
I think it's a fucking miracle.
And I'll take it, but I will not... - Nothing touches a side of you, does it?
You just carry right along. - After hours, I will not stand there
and be your whipping boy just cause mine still works, alright?
You think that's what this is about? - Yeah.
It's exactly what this is about. - You can piss off then.
Oi, Asbo. Can I buy you a drink?
Don't tell Kev.
So who was he? All socks and sandals.
I saw him leaving, are you having an affair?
Oh yeah, last tango in ***, this is.
Just popped out to get the *** back.
You can still talk to me, you know. You don't have to pay some counselor.
That's not what that was. - So what was it?
Is he alright after last night?
Yeah. But he is not the one with blood all over his trainers though, is he?
Oh, Malcolm Powder. What we're gonna do with you, eh?
Don't you start. Kev's been at me all day, but I...
I don't know what to say to him.
Hello mate, how's your devastating injury?
Do you still wanna kill yourself? This is a fun day.
I'm just saying, make an effort. At least try.
Instead rub in his face that you still try to shag every girl that walks past.
That's what, I'm supposed to be a different person...
I don't know, Mal, work it out for yourself. I'm not your mum.
What is your problem? - I don't have a problem.
Except, you know, I'm a natural live women, not a blow up bloody angel.
I don't just exist to pick up little boys when they fall over, I do...
Oh, just piss off. Do you know, I don't want this, I've given up.
Who are you? A lonesome cowboy?
Howdie.
I'm sorry. - I ain't sorry.
What did you say your name was again? - My name is Kev.
I'm a firefighter.
No, sorry. No, sorry.
The last conversation I had with him was about four hours ago.
Listen, he never turns his phone off.
I can't get through to him... - I don't know where he is.
He must have come back to change.
Why don't you ask Mal, love.
Have you seen Kev, he's not answering his phone.
He went for a drink with Asbo. He'll still be out.
He promised to come back and he always calls.
If he's gonna be more than a couple of hours, he calls me.
What, always? - Yes, Mal.
Cause we're grownups who give a toss about each other,
so we call. It's not like an eccentric thing or anything.
Right, do you wanna go and look for him?
If he's gonna end it, he should just say, cause this is...
Whoa, whoa, whoa. Come on, now. Don't be daft. End it?
He loves you. - Loves me?
I don't even think that he likes me anymore.
Can't you just... - Sorry.
Oh, can you just... Hello?
Jules, I can't really talk right now.
No, I... Mal! - Come here.
What are we doing here?
Got something to show you.
No one ever goes in here.
Excuse me, I don't wanna come down here. - No, sit down.
Few deep breaths, right? Oi, just calm down.
What? Where you...
Where're you going?
Oi, Asbo! What're you playing at?
What are you doing?
Fucking nutter.
I don't even know why **** you sometimes.
What are you talking about? - You know what I'm talking about.
All this Rambo shit. Dragging me up here.
Yeah, cause Kev's your dream man right now, ain't he?
Jesus Mal! Does everything have to be a pissing contest?
Who's saying that? I'm not saying that.
Look, I'm just pointing out, yeah, it's a bit fucking dishonest
to make out like I'm the one with a problem here.
You boy. You child. You think this is about equipment?
I'm sorry love, but whatever he doesn't have is still bigger than yours.
What's wrong with you?
I'm sorry, I don't know why I did that.
Actually I do, I... - Just don't talk, please.
Don't...
Please. Mal, just don't.
No, you don't! - Come again?
Ha! Got you.
Open your eyes.
I didn't shave my legs.
Asbo? What're you playing at?
Love what they've done with the place, don't you?
Gorgious.
I hate this place, it's a shit hole.
A dump, they should knock it down.
Come on.
You can just call me, you know?
If ever you want me to like...
Oh Mal! That's not what this is.
That's a new one.
What? - That face.
First thing after I got to the hospital, the nurse gave me that.
Hi, just making inquiries about the fire
you had here last year... - Man, try next door.
It were in his hand. - Right.
Gov, let's just get...
I've been out with guys who can't be asked to write a note
when we've run out of milk.
I don't suppose you saw anything funny or suspicious...
Sorry. Sorry, sorry, sorry... - Anybody called Gog upstairs?
Alright, sweetheart? I'm a fireman.
Is your mum in, or your dad?
No? Big brother, sister maybe?
Hang on, sweetheart.
Hey! Where're you going?
Oi! What's the matter with you?
It's the thing, knocking on doors. They ain't gonna tell you nothing.
You want to get out of here?
Can you believe that fire's still going?
That's a good fire. - Should put it out now.
People start coming around this time.
I'm starving, you wanna go fouraging for nuts and berries?
Rather walk back up to The Still, get some fried chicken.
You don't think about it, do you? Down in the city.
Up here, there's this bit of green. And it's been here forever.
We're treading in the footsteps of all sorts.
Dick Turpin, Kings...
Queens... - Murderers. Rapists.
But enough about you.
Tube is about three miles this way.
Asbo, wait. I was joking, don't.
Let's go up via Breach. I'll buy you a bagel.
You're gonna bloody love it. This way.
I'm gonna find him, Asbo. Gog and his mate.
And when I find them, I'm gonna make sure they understand.
Make sure they know in their bones what it feels like.
To feel as scared as I did and I do.
They're gonna know that.
Cause this... this in here...
This is a fucking disease and I want shot of it.
Bastard's got a kick, ain't he?
I'm waiting for you to leave.
I know you wouldn't.
Not until I was back on my feet, but I am now, so...
Kev, I don't. - No, it's not just the...
You know, it's uhm...
You'd be a great mum and... - I told you, I don't want kids.
It's not cause of the accident, it's... - You say that now
but give it a couple of years... - Maybe it's you look 30
and everyone starts banging on about babies.
Do you know how much better it would be if every woman in the world
that were meant to have babies just accepted that?
But that's not you. - I knew you'd wait
until I was back on my feet?
What is that? It's insulting.
Do you think I'm such a decent person? I'm not, I'm a horrible person.
There were million of times I nearly walked out of that hospital.
Yeah, but you didn't. - Yeah, but not because
I'm Mary bloody Magdalen. It's because I love you.
And I'm in love with you.
Hey Trish, it's alright... - No, don't. Don't touch me.
What? You wanna touch me now? No, it's too late.
Trish, come on. - No, why do you even care?
if you think I'm just gonna leave.
I love you so much. I didn't...
I'm not going anywhere, I promise.
I didn't know you didn't know that. I didn't know.
You said you wanted to talk and I thought...
It's nothing. I just... I wanted this, that's all.
Sit down. Wanna talk to you.
So I was watching that Titanic film last night...
Yeah?
And there's this bit when Winslet's in the water
and it's sort of soaked through her dress.
And I got a hard on.
Well, the feeling of it, anyway.
They said it was possible if the nerves were still working.
So what did you uhm...
Just sat there, watched the end of the film.
The ship sinks.
So...
What did it like...
No, I mean, how did it make you...
Did it make you feel like happy or sad or...
Sort of both. Mainly just...
Like the lights came on again.
Yeah, I know what you mean.
You do? - Yeah.
When my mum died, I couldn't get it up for six months.
What?
Man, that is messed up. - Yeah, tell me about it.
So do you wanna be my best man?
What? You... You asked her?
No.
She did.
So I tied a bit of string around it and then he'd already got me
an engagement ring. - Oh no! Congratulations.
Thank you. - I'm happy for you.
Hey Mal. - Pint, please.
Congratulations.
...and he's got his boys all around him and he says: 'Tonight lads...
One of you...' Cheers Asbo. 'One of you will betray me'.
I owe you one, don't I? Them bagels was real nice.
They all gasp in shock... - Bagels, eh?
Thought you didn't get them in ***, did you?
Anyway, they all gasp and they all look shocked
so finally John says in the corner: 'Will it be me, My Lord?'
My little sister! Don't do it.
I'm only joking. Happiest day of my... No, well...
It won't be happier than this.
You know what, I don't really remember.
It's great. I'm really happy for you.
Thanks, Jules. - Yes.
Yeah. No. So have you told him yet?
I know, I just...
I don't know how to.
Well, this is it, ain't it? You've just gotta come out
and say it, haven't you? - Yeah, yeah.
I'm not being funny, right, don't look now.
But Mal is totally staring at me.
I said don't look. Didn't I just say that?
And then Judas pipes up: 'Will it be me, My Lord?'
It wasn't a punchline, believe me.
So you're off tonight?
Six months on tag's a pain in the arse just for a few dvd.
What Gog? Nothing. - No, no.
I've heard you and your mate have been going around asking questions.
It's not... He's just my boss.
Boys are back at mine.
Come on.
Alright.
Just a minute. - Alright.
Shit.
Nice to have something to celebrate.
Yeah. - No, it's just
since we had what happened at the ceremony, the whole lot has been a bit low.
You know? - Yeah.
Yeah.
I mean, we knew he got burnt but we didn't...
Yeah. - Yeah.
When I found out, I thought about you.
Cause I was trying to work out if it would bother me.
Does it bother you? - We're getting married, Zig.
Yeah, you are, aren't you?
Now I really love those men, Trish. I love all of them.
They're my boys.
Oi, oi, boys. Look who's back from the deads?
Bloody hell, man. Long time.
Good to see you. - You cheated.
Right, chuck us a beer then. - You cheated.
He cheated, didn't he?
Hey?
Go to bed.
Come here.
Transcript on audio: Désirée www.addicted.com